iight chall im back once again...and it seems to me that i am 99.9% sure this will be my last post for dear old xanga...it's been a good run but who knows i may be back in the future..but we'll see. i've had a lot of things happen to me, cross my mind, and just overall effect me. let me start this off with this:

it was a year ago today...where i made probably one of the biggest mistakes of my life and you pay attention you'll know why...last year to date i took a risk that i shouldnt have. if that person reads this they would know...i know immie is saying that im being dumb and drama ish but i SAY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hahahah its my journal so hah!!! i've waited patiently and obviously desperately for an honest and upfront truthful answer to my question(s) but i was never given one. i just want to say to that person that i dont hate you..i just hate the fact that i was truthful to you and you couldnt give me the benefit of the fact and just give me a simple answer. running away from certain instances does nothing but leave a sour taste..and boy do i need a mint, b/c it's been so long. i know that person is happy with their  (i'll keep the name calling out) significant other and i am left here blank then a sheet of white paper. so i say to you have a happy life...nothing left to dwell on...b/c you shouldn't have feelings of hate to that person...but feelings of care b/c apparently they are lost on their journey and need to find their way. so yea i still care about that person.

act two:

the truth shall set you free......................lies lies...full of lies.................................cheaters never prosper......................karma is a one bad mutherfuckinsonofabitch...........whoever knows what im talking about..then follow me on this. for those who know then you wont seem so lost. you think you have someone figured out and they flip the script on you and put on this facade that you never knew existed within them. how could someone be so sincere, yet so fake. and to brain wash people for your own mistakes..yes plural!!! MISTAKES!!!!! i looked up to you..had the utmost respect for you and now im sorry to say it's gone. people always say that some need 2nd chances..but put yourself in their boots and let me see if you can say the same thing. all the advice you gave me in the past...im trying to forget....i had so much love for that person now it's gone. growing up with you as one of my role models really helped me, but how can i claim that now after all of this. apparently distance doesnt make the heart grow fonder...it just strays it away...i hope that when you look in the mirror you like the reflection that it gives back.

act three:

well i finally quit my job after close to 2 years. am i happy YES am i happy the way it ended..it coulda been way better but im happy. i have a fresh new start and we'll see where i can go from here. im just sad of those i have grown accustom to. damn imma miss ya'll.

act four:

lookin back at the past year from this date..i've noticed a lot of my friendships have grown and some have decreased and i guess that's the balance we all need. and i'd like to think i've stayed the same, but i see others changing. people change when they have girlfriend or boyfriend and it makes me wonder. WHY? im not jealous or anything...dont get me wrong...but since you changed why do i have to...why do i have to talk to you differently....all these whys doesnt make any sense to me. people say to change for the good...but change isnt always good. this should be a hint to why i dont talk to certain people as much anymore...check ya self!

well i think thats it..it's been a good run..maybe i can make a comeback like jordan, but i think im through..i hope i gave ya'll some good insight on some of my thangs and i couldnt think of a better way to end it like this. so i'll catch ya'll on the streets or on myspace, but as for here...there's a slight chance, slim...but yet still a chance.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'M OUT LIKE THREE STRIKES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Ever been so drunk you blacked out?:Yes on my birthday..i dont remember much...b/c i was fucked up duh!!!!
2. Missed school cuz it was raining?: nooo...i didnt start ditching til i got to college..i was too popular to be missing...check my yearbook i could prove it
3. Put a body part on fire for amusement?: no..but my cousin burned my hand with an iron when i two
4. Been hurt emotionally?: yes i have...and they know who                           5. Kept a secret from everyone?: i guess...havent we all
6. Had an imaginary friend?: hell no..what kind of a loser does...one with no friends...hahah loser no friends...
7. Cried during a Movie?: maybe.....fags!!!
8. Had a crush on a teacher?: forgive me father but i have sinned my catachism(?) teacher was hot..she was in her twenties when i had her for class and also my speech teacher at pcc she looked like diane lane 
9. Ever thought an animated character was hot?: naww...smurfette? hahaha
10. Had a New Kids on the Block tape?: yea sooooo...we all had our phases
11. Been on stage?: yea.....hello Popular Guy here hahaha
12. Cut your hair?: of course..u cack

++ FAVORiTES ++
13. Shampoo: Pantene                                                                               14. Soap: irish spring
15. Color: khaki..brown...orange/brown...u get the picture
16. Day/Night: night of course
17. Fall/Spring/Summer/Winter: winter... b/c most of my wardrobe is long sleeve
18. Lace or Satin: Werent those American Gladiators names..my favorite was Sky and Diamond
19. Fave Cartoon Characters: All the Simpsons..and Tom and Jerry and..Scrappy Doo
20. Fave Food: Mexican Food
21. Fave Advert: ?
22. Fave Movie: Coming to America..my favorite of all time..Dumb And Dumber, Friday, Juice...                                                                             23. Fave Ice Cream: Whatever Jayar's mom lets me eat off of her hahah j/k
24. Fave Subject: Recess
25. Fave 'Normal' Drink(s): Hulk baby                                                         26. Fave Person to talk to: my cousin Ellen

++ RiGHT NOW ++
27. Wearing: blue dress shirt, black slacks, kenneth cole shoes, nautica tie..and some hanes boxer briefs oops i've said to much
28. Hair is: short almost completely bald                                                    29. I'm feeling: sleepy...want to go home
30. Eating: nothing
31. Drinking: nothing.
32. Thinking about: i want to go home
33. Listening to: this white girl in front of me talk to her match.com date

++ iN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU... ++
34. Cried?: nope                                                                                       35. Worn a skirt?:hell no
36. Met someone new?: naw...maybe this weekend
37. Cleaned your room?: nope
38. Done laundry?: nope
39. Drove a car?: yea..ur mom's

++ DO YOU BELiEVE iN... ++
40. Yourself?: of course... imma sexy bitch
41. Your friends?: of course...who else will bail me out hhahahah                42. Santa Claus?: not since i knocked him out for giving me fake jordans    43. Tooth Fairy?: hell no...                                                                          44. Destiny/Fate?: i do i do i do oooh.
45. Angels?: yup..i know a few of them..hello i live in el monte                   46. Ghosts?: yea...i just i hope i dont get visited by one
47. UFO's?: sure...i love it when they bring packages to my house, and they're matching brown truck and brown uniform..i love the ufo delivery people

++ FRiENDS & LiFE ++
48. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: heaven's no
49. Like anyone?: maybe
50. Who's the weirdest?: my mom
51. Who's the loudest?:  my mom...u should watch one of our games
52. Who do you go to for advice?: any one of my friends
53. Who do you cry to?: my pillow
54. When did you cry the most?: when i watched this porno..it was a drama for christ's sake...hey hey u dirty people...i watched the acting and foward the sex
55. What's the best feeling in the world?: a nipple in ur eye                         56. Worst feeling: running to the bathroom..then finding out that all the stalls are taken..its like does everyone have to take a shit now...u start pacing and little beads of sweat come down ur head..basically prarie dogging it             57. Who sent this to u?: some fob
58. Do u want all your friends to do this and send it back to you?:fuck no!!! bitches hahaah j/k

i tried my best, but yet i still fail miserably,

i cram to understand you but i just can't figure you out,

denial is the worst feeling in the world,

but yet i still try to connect,

it is you i seek,

and i never can forget,

the feelings i have for you,

some positive and many negative,

do i dare say them specifically,

never,

why put you on blast,

it is you who i wish to kiss,

but i feel you should be kissing me....kissing my ass,

hatred...naw,

bitterness will do,

say hi to me,

i'll give you the one finger salute,

one of the 7 deadly sins is hate,

but i cannot see any here,

yes you got me good,

hell i prolly even shed a tear,

but dont fear me,

just let me get this off my chest,

you dont impress me much,

like a girl with one breast,

how could i speak this way,

it is you who made me,

like all the others in the world,

they always try to blame me,

should i put you on blast,

so the others can see who causes my pain,

puts me in a world i shouldnt be,

a feeling of mental strain,

yet i still complain,

after this x amount of time,

this isnt me spitting lyrics,

this isnt even a rhyme,

this how i express myself,

in a way of spoken word,

i tried to say it louder..i spoke...but yet was never heard,

i tried to show you my world b/c it was you i seek,

you showed me nothing,...

my world..

no peace